Apology

[dridobits]

I am sorry for my emotional post that may have hurt people. And I really appreciate the people who responded. I hope you forgive me.

[mmglobal]

no apology necessary!!!! I'm glad you are still with us. How is the recovery going?

Mark

[Maria]

I'm with Mark..no apology necessary. We all tend to get somewhat emotional at various times on our individual spinal journey. I'm just glad you're back! As queried per Mark.. how goes it?

[dshobbies]

DR,

Life is overwhelming from time to time. Add to that disabling pain, frustration, depression and you have a highly volitile mixture. No apology is necessary. In fact, sometimes a post just allows someone to vent and sometimes everyone wants to know they are not alone. Trust me when I say you are very much not alone!

Please post as often as you like, Dale

[dridobits]

Thanks to those who forgave me and I am sorry. I am finding that as I recover and get off some meds, anger and agression that I have held inside me are coming back up. I don't even want to tell you the note I wrote someone in the parking lot who took up three spaces.

My fusion recovery is going well and unbelievably slow but that's ok. I knew that. I'm now walking 4 times a week at least and started PT. The surgeon said the last xray looks great but I think we all know a good xray and being out of pain are two separate things. But I'm happy with the xray.

The surgeon said I had at least a year I need to recover what with being so out of condition from 15 years of doing nothing. The PT guy said 1 1/2 year. So be it.

My sitting limit seems to be two hours but when I do more I feel a lot the next day. My chemicallly sensitive disc is GONE. That was my goal so I have reached that.

It's a one day at a time game. That's the only way I can take it. I'm also dealing with a questionable mammogram right now 4 years after my recovery. Enough is enough. Thank you for being kind. Sorry again.

[Maria]

A sitting limit of 2 hours~ imagine that?! My sitting limit is probably an hour now without getting up and that's as long as I feel good.

You know I've wondered about my ability to escalate re anger while on meds as it seems that I don't have as good an ability to just chill when I'm in one of my what seems like menopausal moods.. to think it would be worse off meds is kinda scary tho I guess what you're going thru is a temporary phase and with that I wish you the best. Sometimes I have to keep to myself when I'm in a real mood or else I might be shot by someone for what comes out of my mouth!

Your walking sounds great too and I'm glad you've updated us and please don't worry about however you think you may have offended someone. I'm sure we all have thin skins here at one time or another just by nature of what we deal with in terms of our own lives however as adults we should be able to realize what is going on and just shrug it off or at least not take it as a dagger to the heart.

May your recovery continue to progress and please keep us updated as able

[dshobbies]

Two things come to mind right now. First, when my husband is sick, for some reason, he get's angry easily. Under normal circumstances he's one of the most calm people anyone knows so anger isn't a part of him. Looking for something in the fridge, it had the audacity to close while he was still there and the outburst was something to see. When life disappoints us, we deal with it. When family and friends disappoint us, we deal with it. When our bodies disappoint us and the fix is non-existant for far away, we have no where to turn. A mounting frustration turns to anger which when turned inward, is depression.

Currently, add to this is a questionable mammo! Having a recent 'scare' myself, I know this is all consuming, especially given your personal history. Your back, quite a major crisis in your life, takes a back seat.

So, how do you cope? First, take it one day at a time. Even if your back takes too long to heal, you are moving forward, no longer stagnant. Then, just as you dealt with it before, you'll deal with whatever else comes your way - getting through each day by concentrating on the day at hand. Suffering - yes. Needless - yes. Doable - yes.

And look, just yesterday we were wishing everyone happy holidays and it's already February! At this rate, Thanksgiving is just around the corner

My best to you, Dale

[nomorepain]

just remember why we are all here, there isn't a one of us that would disagree with you, thats why this site is so valuable to us spineys! most of us understand how it is both physically and mentally to get off one or more drugs, our clouded minds, and the physical issues,etc.
now your recovery, we all heal at different times- look at my posts, i was out of 2level prodisc surgery and at 3mos i watched mark and another spiney play tennis ,i thought i'd never be in that boat. My recovery seemed like it was at a snails pace compared to others on this site. I was off of work almost 3years due to it. And as luck would have it, i am able to play tennis,water ski and even joined a bowling league, so not all is lost. Just listen to your body, and remember we all have those days!

[Katie]

One of my favourite mantras is this: Be gentle, be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a difficult battle. And you have had one of the most difficult battles of all.

I'm so glad that things are starting to look up for you. Keep looking up, keep looking forward, my friend.

[Maria]

I'm sorry I didn't address in previous reply because I know this can be so stressful as I've had one of these as well and in fact I've had mammos every 6 months to a year since I was 28 because of surgery done back when I was 23.

I have what is known as "nightmare breasts" with much fibrocystic breast tissue which makes the mammo sometimes difficult to determine what is going on.

I hate that term.. I don't know why they cannot call it something else like "very dense breast tissue or extremely dense breast tissue"...

Anyway hope you will soon know what is going on re the questionable mammo and of course hoping for the absolute best for you which would be nothing going on other than something benign.

[dridobits]

Hi and thank you for all of the words of wisdom. I haven't been online much as I'm starting to work again and have to be so careful of computer time.

Everyone had so many valid things that really have helped me. I realize I need to fill out the forms as to my surgery progress. It's now about five months and in a way it feels like yesterday.

The hardest part is not pushing it. You feel good, you want to do things, you get excited.....

Even on my worst days I never regret having the surgery. I am just so antsy to get going again and I have to drill it in my head that my recovery is paramount to everything else.

Thanks everyone for their wisdom and kindness.

[dshobbies]

Starting work again Fantastic news.

Glad you keep reminding yourself to take it slow. Hard to do when you're feeling good.

A word of caution for everyone undergoing any spine surgery but especially ADR &fusion.

100% will probably have a different meaning. The way it was is probably not a realistic goal. Most spine patients must always tempur their activities and activity level. However, most spine patients are so relieved to have a life back, most are pleased with their personal limitations. We may miss doing something - like Mark jumping out of airplanes - but if all we want is a good, productive and painfree life, most of us will not be disappointed. For those who want it all, think again. Very few of us have achieved that goal, with the emphasis on very few. In fact, I once asked that specific question and only 2 people did not have to amend their ways.

So DR, from where you were to where you are now, both mentally and physically, you are on the right track and it appears the tunnel is behind you.

Dale

[mmglobal]

Originally Posted by dridobits

...Even on my worst days I never regret having the surgery.

I'm so happy to hear that you are working again. It's amazing to experience coming back to life.

For most of us, success is relative. Pain-free, med-free may not be a realistic expectation for most of us. I know people who feel their surgery was successful because they can now sit in the garden for a few hours a day and can shower by themselves. Even though I have substantial limitations and still have pain, after 4 spine surgeries, I'm a thousand times better than I ever thought I'd be and am thankful for every day that I can function somewhat normally.

It's great news that you are already pleased with your improvement and return of functionality... especially because you should still be able to expect substantial improvements in the months to come! That appreciation for what you have makes everything that much sweeter and helps you to deal with the setbacks and challenges you'll face so much easier to deal with.

Keep us posted... all the best...

Mark

[dridobits]

Well I overdid it again. Guess I'm a slow learner. I just took my first long cross country flight since my fusion. I'm at about six months now. As long as I don't overdo things are pretty good but working as I did before is pretty much a no go due to the long sitting. I never look back with any regrets with my surgery. This time for the first time I used a wheelchair. It felt kind of odd with people staring at me but I just looked down.

What a difference. Some of these international airports have long long distances to walk which I can do but not while carrying things. Also with the wheelchair, I wizzed passed everyone in line. I did set the alarms off, same as at Home Depot. I had two people sticking fingers all over me and oh yes that wand. I don't care as long as were all safe.

This is a familly trip I had to make. Otherwise, forget flying. Too much. Thinking of everyone.

[Maria]

d,
I too have difficulty with traveling tho it's the preparation with the luggage and the actual lugging it about even just downstairs to await Super Shuttle.

Once in the airport I'm Ok tho this last time I used a cane to help me walk and was glad I did as the gate was changed and it was much farther away (on outbound flight).

If it weren't for my habit of buying 3 seats together (which I cannot always get on a moment's notice and certainly not for a decent price) I'd have a whole lotta trouble flying.

Glad you got thru it and you did what you had to do to re the wheelchair. The first time is the kicker re using something adaptive or even buying the 3 seats as I do.. after that it's nothing~ or at least nothing to look down about!

take good care and hope your family is Ok and your flare up resolves ASAP!

[mmglobal]

I'm sorry that your recovery is slow and not more complete. It would be great if you could safely return to your previous activity levels... not happening soon, but hopefully you'll continue to improve and will ultimately get there.

Hang in there. Thanks for keeping us posted. All the best,

Mark

[Maria]

I'd imagine flare ups are to be expected with many of the spine surgeries esp. recent ones of multi levels and/or when getting ready for something that is as big as traveling cross country (all the prep, the angst, the sitting, the waiting...) so just hang in there and give yourself time to mellow out and recover. Sounds to me like your recovery is going pretty decently and I hope the flare up is wearing off/worn off.

An injection of Toradol 60mg IM helps me with spasms (cervical and lumbar) when I'm really feeling like a pretzel.