My House is a Mess

[jsewell]

I went through cervical surgery in july of '07. Months of neck in a brace and not keeping up the house because of fear of damage to my neck.

Then the hip replacement with no bending allowed. House a mess still.

The spine pain started and anything i did seemed to hurt , so i started doing less and less and really never got to clean up the cluttered mess before all this started.

Meanwhile my right knee becomes oh so painful with each step. Trying to kill two periods of recouperation with one stone, I schedule knee surgery in DEc and 3 weeks later the first back surgery. You now know what the family home looks like.
For the next 7 surgeries same story. Now my lumbar pain which is really the first pain i had is back with a vengence and in my legs with severe leg weakness. Well severe for me, the exerciser .

Now waiting to find out the exact problem areas and for my doc to get back from his celebration of marriage.

So does anyone out there have a spouse that can do everything or anyone stuck like me with one that does nothing. Does not lift a finger. His paper towels that he has used for various reasons sit on the recliner (supposed to be mine), the end tables, kitchen tables and counters and on the floor. So not even lifting a finger. Any bending over on my part is so painful even though i live on pain killers. Or pain reducers as they should be called.

Bottom line is my house is a cluttered dirty mess and i am embarrassed to let anyone in here. I cringe when my landlord comes by (they live in the back house) . I always thought after each surgery there would be a light at the end of the tunnel , but i seem to be stuck in the tunnel.

Just another way that as Mark says, Spine sucks.

judy

[Maria]

Can I ever relate! It's not my back that has me doing next to nothing at home tho my feet have been problematic the last few weeks and I'm still just so tired from having dealt w/my parents estate and needing to do my own "stuff" at home.

Don't have the spouse doesn't do anything thing going on because I moved out 6 years ago for that reason and some others. I really like my dh (dear hub) and he's there for me in ways no one else would be so as long as I keep the housekeeping rage out of it we're good.

However that being said I'm just mess myself right now. I finally started to sort paperwork,toss/shred/file since getting back from Fla and the few months there taking are of my parent's estate. I did such a good job there and really have no energy left to do my own space but I"m so sick of clutter that I have to do something so I started.

I certainly understand what you're saying Judy. And when my back was bad I couldn't do what I needed to altho I find when my something else is bad enough I can't do it either! Altho I admit I cannot move furniture or next to nothing myself re my back. That sucks!!!!

PAIN SUCKS!!!!! Whatever kind!

So hold that thought and wait for a reprieve. When you're ready you'll get back into it. I don't know the answer to getting a reluctant spouse to help out. Mine didn't think the dustballs were as bad as I thought or the clutter. I like to keep things neat. When stuff starts getting out of place and there's dust or clutter to any degree it's unsettling to me.

Yes my Mom was Type A personality.. yes it's learned tho if I learned to be neat and care about my own space I think that's pretty darn worth learning! Sometimes however I need to learn how to chill and just deal with it or hire Molly Maids or some cleaning service like I used to have! M

[jsewell]

Thanks Maria,
I think i have been so exhausted the last 3 days that i can barely do anything and it was just getting to me. My spouse now lays in bed all day and even on some work days and i am at the end of my rope. Needed to vent. Thanks
judy

[dshobbies]

Weeeeeellllll,

I'm fairly good and my house is still a mess. Though I must confess, two of my grandkids are here and we simply don't care. That being said, I have a wonderful husband who does what he has to, including laundry if necessary. He does stop there though. Kitchen counters, sinks, bathrooms - uh uh. Shoes everywhere, magazines piling up - but he takes care of me so complain- no. When it gets a little bad I just remember how much I love him and wait for my housekeeping crew as patiently as I can. Sometimes, we have to turn a blind eye.

Next week is 39 years

[jsewell]

Congratulations Dale on 39 years that is awesome! I have banned mine from doing my laundry years ago as my clothes somehow fit my younger daughters when he was done with them. Very expensive !
judy

[Maria]

I will never forget leaving the laundry for my dh to do and coming home in time to see him put his sneakers in with my clothes. That was it.. he was banned from doing my laundry after that!

Congrats on 39 years Dale!

[Shebo]

Judy - I totally understand. I just try to ignore what I can't do. It's not easy being around here all day looking at it. You can only do, what you can do. That's my motto.

[chiku]

I don't have a husband, but I understand about the mess. I have 2 sons, 12 and 13, they do try to help. But my house is still a mess, bending and standing are a nightmare. After working all day teh last thing I want to do is come home and clean.

[Maria]

It reached an all time high. I went to visit my aunt and uncle in LA. They have a long standing friend who has a house in their beautiful area of LA and he is a hoarder.

So after my aunt showed his house and van that he lives out of cuz he can't fit himselft into his house


Since I got back to my city I've had the energy to clean and re arrange things. My space is loking much better. I needed a kick in the pants (mental). Still have to limit myself re what I can do. Young people can do more than old people (myself).

[jsewell]

thanks for your comments Shebo and Chiku. I got it looking ok or lets just say a little better, i don't know why. It is trashed again. I guess with 5 other people living here (my kids and husband) what can i expect. I spoiled them all for years when i could go to work, run in the predawn hours and just do everything. Now i'm lucky if i can get myself moving for a few hours. Then my priority is to take enough pain meds so i can hike up my trail for a few hours. I always pay after , but i need to keep moving. No bending though and that is the most painful thing that i need to do.
I do just wish i could get over it though and not be embarrassed!!!
judy

[Maria]

I bend alot. Straight over from the waist as my knees get alot of squatting in as well. I catch myself while bending over from the waist thinking .. uh oh.. better not do this. Often it's more like "uh oh.. that hurt!" Not badly most of the time or I wouldn't do it.

I've been in a straightening out mood since last weekend. Really got busy.

Must admit the grabber has been helpful to pick up things that I know it can reach/grab w/o me needing to "go there." Eliminates a lof of unnecessary bending for me when I remember to use it.

[jsewell]

My muscles are all weak from steroids so i cannot get up from a squat so i do bend from the waist , but try not to just some times i can't stand seeing stuff all over the floor.
I should use my reacher grabber, you sent me a good reminder. I got mine when i had my hip replaced and bending was a definate no no.
judy

[dshobbies]

OK Judy,

Your mess problem sounds like it's been coming on for years. When healthy, you were able and did not train your family to pick up after themselves. Now you are not able to maintain the status quo and your family doesn't care. My advise, get a backbone and make them care. Have a sit-down and tell them the way it's going to be, from now on. No screaming, no sobbing, but, and I don't know the ages of your children, it's time for a little tough love.

I'm always amazed when people expect a different behavior then they taught their families. I love all my grandchildren so much, words fail to describe the delight they bring to my life. One of them doesn't get disciplined as much as he should and his parent's, my son and daughter-in-law, don't understand why he doesn't behave better in public. If he doesn't have to sit at the table until everyone finishes their dinner at home, he won't in a restaurant either. They don't get it.

It's often just easier to do it ourselves and my husband is quite guilty of that same philosophy but now you can't. To retrain your children requires consequences worse than 'the deed'. It also takes time but in my opinion, worth it. As for your husband, it might be too late and in that case, tears absolutely do help.

The future spouses of your children will thank you!

Dale

[jsewell]

thanks Dale you are absolutely correct and i've known this too. You put it all together and it makes so much sense. i think your post will be on my fridge later today.
judy:

[cherylstewart67]

thankfully he knows to ask if something needs to be placed in the dyrer. i have facial nere pain from my cranial nerves; so much stress from the peek cage at c3/4, pain is a daily thing for me. they have tried meds; but some i can't take. seems like i have no life anymore. my true only hope is to have an adr at c6/7! i know the ddd would slow a lot if we did not do any more fusion. i am just not doing well with fusion at all.

[jsewell]

Cheryl i am sorry you are still in pain . I am too, but not from any areas that were actually operated on. My few lumbar discs that are left untouched have decided to act up and cause pain or something in that area. I know the daily pain thing. it is no fun. I manage to take a few hours most days to take those pain meds and go hiking slowly up a mountain. It saves my sanity.
I hope you can find something that you like to give you some stess relief too.
judy

[CarolJ]

Yes, I have also banned my husband from my laundry(thank God for my 16 yr. old Angel). Don't get me wrong, he is great and does as much as he can, plus takes care of vehicles, yard, along with my daughter and Aunties help. Between the three of them, it gets done well enough.

I am so OCD, but I have had to look the other way at times. I used to keep my floors so clean you could eat off of them almost anytime. Also a workaholic, so I don't know when to quit when it came to cleaning before the surgeries.

Now, I want to get the ADR done, rebuild my health, control pain, and of all make my child happy by putting a REAL SMILE on my face. I just want to laugh a real laugh again. To heck with the housecleaning. LOL...It will get done sometime! Just let it go hon & keep on going, it has to get better, doesn't it?!

CarolJ

[jsewell]

Thanks Carol, most of the time i can look the other way, but yesterday it all got to me and i took my pain meds and cleaned and declutterd downstairs.
Only a few things to put away today, but my husband had spilled stuff all over the kitchen floor! I think he is the biggest contributor to my insanity over the place being a total mess.
I am going to try to keep up with it until the next surgery.
judy

[dshobbies]

Judy,

What happened to that back bone we were talking about? Sit your family down and tell them how it has to be - end of discussion. Tell them those on this forum think very low of your non-supportive family and you will continue to post their lack of cooperation.

However, if and when they change their ways, we will all cheer their efforts. That should do it!

[jsewell]

thanks Dale i didn't suffer any bad effects so i don;t mind, i have to do something around here. I think i had to do the initial decluttering, then they need to maintain it. I did not touch any bedrooms.
judy

[Maria]

This is the hardest part for me. Once I get thru that I'm pretty good about being able to clean even if I have to do it in spurts. Hurrah for your decluttering abilities!

[jsewell]

I will be on crutches after foot surgery on Monday. Wonder if i will be able to move around my house at all!! So much for the decluttering effort!
judy

[Maria]

Judy,
If your toe surgery bothers you anything like mine did the first week you won't even want to put your foot down re pain/swelling however after that period wears off should you go thru it then you'll want to be hobbling about no doubt.

I got around fine on crutches and had to go up and down a flight of stairs. I found my grabber/reacher to be invaluable during my recovery period (esp. initial) even though I did try to think of most things I'd want close to me and keep them near the bedside the first week or so.

Part of my freedom from back pain seems to be rooted in daily walking so the use of crutches limited that and my back pain was greatly increased from the hobbling of my gait, use of crutches (which also hurt my wrists/hands) and the arthritis I must have in my low back.
Using the crutches pretty much gave me a lot of tension in my cervical and accessory muscles as well combined w/the impaired gait that got to my low back. I had to use muscle relaxers to un-do this as spasms got pretty bad there for a while though I think that was after about 2 weeks of crutches.

I imagine you'll find a way to get around altho you might not feel much like vacumning and dusting! Then again after a while when your toe doesn't hurt in the dependent position you'll be getting around fine I imagine and crutches won't keep you down!

[jsewell]

Thank you Maria, The fact that you have had toe surgery has been such a great help to me. I know it will be more pain than I expected. I know from you as well as patient accounts. I still don't know how much more recovery time the osteotomy is going to cost me.
I am really scared about the crutches as my limbs are so weak. I have been doing a tiny bit of practice and boy my arms cannot handle it and only one leg, i've been having trouble getting up and walking on 2 legs. i have muscle weakness from taking prednisone for a few years. My endo. says it can take like 3 years to go away. I have been trying really hard to get stronger and i get nowhere.
the other part that scares me about crutches is my back and very much so. I just had epidurals today , lots of pain when i woke up in my right hip area that has been bothering me since i woke up from my sept 24th surgery. I got on crutches for about 3 steps each of the last 2 days. My first step is difficult and excrutiating to my back/hip area. So it does scare me, i may be spending more time in bed than i anticipated. I will surely see if bed rest helps my lumbar spine.
I also know from you to get my muscle spasm drugs ready for action.
I sure hope you can make it to the beach next time. I'll go anytime. Or any other place. I don't know enough people here in socal , i need to get out more for sure.

Thanks so much for your crutches and foot surgery info. I appreciate it so much. I told my spine surgeon today about the upcomming surgery, he thought i would be ok on crutches. We'll see.

judy

[Maria]

Judy,
I think your concerns re use of crutches is very valid and I'd be equally as concerned (worried) as you are about the use then again if your option is to stay in bed more for a period of time and just use the crutches to ambulate to bathroom/kitchen and so forth that might work.

I don't relish the idea of being on crutches again myself or I would have had my bunion on right foot done and hammertoes taken care of already. My PCP, PM, and OSS have all said that sooner is better considering the aging process and ortho concerns I already have.

Oh well..still I can never find the right time to do anything until it's absolutely necessary so when it gets to that point I'll do it.

My hands and wrists bother me greatly in terms of how I use them w/crutches. Pretty significant arthritis in both thumbs, fingers and wrists just hurt when I use crutches.

I would have loved to make it to the beach w/you and Mark and dogs so will look forward to it in the future. Glad you got your epi for your back. Mine used to work right away and always helped me tho WC repeatedly denies them now in attempts to make me settle WC future medical benefits so I do without.

Wishing you the best w/toe surgery and please keep us posted!

[jsewell]

I thought when those shots worked it was right away, it has been awhile since they have worked so i forgot that. NOt sure what is going on today as i don't actually remember when i took pain meds last. well at 8:30 now, but before that.
My back feels sore now and i still have pain on my left side/hip area. Still numbness on my left side leg near my knee and going up. If they don't work at this point i have no idea what is next. What type of surgery. I just tend to be the opposite of you. I am so anxious to get back to work, i can't wait for it all to be over and my body to feel good enough to work.
don't work too hard today,
hope to see you soon,
judy

[jsewell]

Well i am off crutches since yesterday. I really did not have any pain to speak about until my first day off crutches!! I accidentally bent my toe on the surgery foot, bad mistake. I think the doctor taking off the compression bandages actually started the pain, it started hurting in his office when my foot was naked!
I am allowed to put all weight on it now, but not bending my toe. I have a lovely post surgery sandal to wear that keeps my foot stiff. I don't have to wear it around the house so that is where my trouble starts. Still no driving. I get the stitches out on the 5th.
judy

[mmglobal]

Taffy wishes you a speedy recovery and a quick return to the dog beach!

[Maria]

Judy and Mark,
Lola and I are ready to hit the beach too! Got back into LB today. If all goes well w/inspection on prop in SD I'll be closing escrow the end of the month on condo in Golden Hill area right near Balboa Park in SD. Will miss this area tho am going to take it slow and easy w/packing (so will be around here the next 6-8 weeks at least).

Judy~ so glad to hear you're already off crutches and that you really didn't have any pain at all! Hope to meet you soon when you've recovered sufficiently ~ take good care!

Mark~ might try to give you a call tomorrow or soon to catch up.. hope you're doing Ok too!

[dshobbies]

Strange - I posted yesterday and it's gone!

I wrote something cute about not bending body parts but I can't remember what it was so just let me say to keep up the good work and learn to love your new shoe.

Dale