Thanks for just BEING here at times

[oes ali]

I haven't been around much. I wish it could be me saying i was seeing this Doc and that Doc and me having surgery and whatever else i've left out. But, it isn't.

I don't know what is going on with me. I am trying to get all of my records for all events (major) that have happened from first car accident back in 1981 when the Tony's Frozen Pizza Truck droveover the top of my Honda stationwagon, thru all the other incidents up to this last accident 5 years ago.

Lately i don't know if it is all the meds they have me on or what but i have a horrid time trying to get myself up out of the bed. To just get UP OUT OF BED is depressing me enough. I ache. my finger joints, my wrists, my knees, my toes, my hips (I think you get the picture) and i am alll puffy up from my wrist to half way up to my elbows.......

I've just spent the last half hour crying i hurt so bad and just want this all over. And i know that it won't be over for some time.

i have stupid dog show people telling me i have to go to a hearing because i called someone an idiot therefore i am being sanctioned for unsportsmanship like conduct.

I just want to go and visit with my husband whom left in November for Korea. I want to see if i can get into the Dr. in Germany. Maybe the Dr. in Texas as i have to be in Texas May 8/9th. and where my life is going to go from here

i'm sorry for 'whimping' out here tonight. It just gets old when people say Oh how can i help and care and you say just listen when i need to talk. OH no problems and then they never show up or answer the phone.

Thank you for being here even thought i have never met any of you.

Ali

[Nairek]

Ali,

I totally understand where you are coming from. I have been known to drop off of the boards for months at a time & then re-appear. Sometimes when things just get to be too much to deal with, I just drop out of sight for a while.

As you state in your post, it appears that you are dealing with depression. I deal with it as well & have to say that I have it really bad sometimes. This is very common with people who are in pain. And the fact that your husband is away overseas is a hard thing to deal with right now as well. I can't even imagine having to deal with everything that you have going on but I can sympathize on a different level.

You mention that you are dealing with puffiness in your arm. I would suggest mentioning this to your doctor just to be sure that you don't have something going on either medically or as a reaction to medications that you may be on.

I don't want to sit here & tell you to go on anti-depressant medication because I would be a hypocrite. I choose to not be on meds because the last time I was on them, my weight ballooned & I just didn't like the way that it made me feel.

I've been dealing with back & neck pain since 1995. But with serious pain since 2001. Things do eventually get easier. It helps to have a support system. If you can't get anyone on the phone, hop on the board here. I am sure that there are folks on here who can offer their ear or eyes in this case, & will offer you support.

Remember, you are not alone Ali. A lot of folks here understand what you are going thru. I'll do the best I can to keep an eye out for your posts & offer you support in any way that I can. Unfortunately, I have to go to bed so I can wake up for work in 4 hours

Karin

[Cindylou]

Ali,

I ditto what Karin expressed. I think alot of us tend to withdraw when things are not going great. And that's probably the one time we really do need others. Are you making any progress at all to get your records in front of Dr. B? Or TBI, like you mentioned? I found rounding up all the records to be one of the more challenging tasks, especially when you're in so much pain, and likely trying to cope with depression as well. But I encourage you to persevere, because once they receive your records, the pace should pick up. And please remember, we are here for you. We get what you're going through. Like nobody else.

Hang in there,

Cindylou

[treefrog]

Ali, I am sorry that you are having to deal with all this stuff, on top of dealing with your pain. I can't imagine not having someone at home to talk to, or do little things for me (not that he is there all the time). I'm sorry you are having to do all this on your own.

And like Cindylou, getting all my medical records was a frustrating experience. But, persevere, it is worth it.

I hope you can make some progress really soon.

We are here for you, and understand a lot of what you are going through.

[dshobbies]

Ali,

Reading your post was painful because of the memories it brought up. Please take comfort in knowing that it won't always be filled with so much pain. Your husband is away, some idiot complained because you told the truth and you hurt, all the time. Everyone on this forum has the same complaint, different circumstances and we all empathize, whether still knee deep or on the other side.

Your depression can be as debilitating as your pain. Interesting how we all will take heavy duty meds for the pain but apply the brakes where anti-depressants are concerned, yet they can make a huge difference. There's no harm in trying them for a week or two and then make up your mind whether you find them beneficial. Can't hurt.

Hopefully, you'll get your records together and get the ball rolling very soon. Know that we're all with you.

Dale

[Katie]

Dear Ali,

I can empathize with most of what you are saying. Up until last September, I spent the previous eighteen months curled up in bed, with not only the pain from five herniated discs, but this all over feeling of illness.

It felt like a combination of the worst hangover ever mixed in with a bad case of the flu. I ached all over, was nauseous as well as had bad vertigo, and could not move most days without the room spinning around me. My joints were all puffy too, along with a lot of other symptoms.

I was sent to an ENT specialist for the vertigo, etc, and he could find nothing wrong.

It turns out that I had developed some pretty serious food sensitivities, along with any additives, etc. to the food and environment. One doctor originally thought that I had fibromyalgia although that hasn't been firmly diagnosed, but I did look it up and found that an elimination diet might help.

I got rid of dairy and that was not bothering me, then I went on to grains and bingo! I've been off all grains, including rice, barley, wheat, etc. and I'm feeling much better. While I've only seen a 'regular' allergist, he suggested that all my medications, many of which I can't tolerate and had to stop, have triggered this. And he could find no 'allergies' through skin tests. While my diet is very narrow, it is much better than the agony I was going through. And the grains I have had to avoid do not make sense, like the rice...it is not supposed to be a common one for sensitivities, but when I eat it, I get horrid abdominal cramps, etc.

All I'm saying is that you may be going through something similar....check out what you are eating in regards to the puffiness you are experiencing, and the depression. It can affect you on both counts. Unfortunately it is very hard to get a single doctor to diagnose anything like this. You may be better off going to a naturopath, if there are any near you. They often can help when conventional medicine can not.

If you can eliminate the side issues, then the pain does get a bit more bearable, and if you can get a friend in to help with the paperwork, then that stresser will be lifted off your shoulders also.

Please take care of yourself. This forum is a blessing, and we will try to help you through this.

[Maria]

Hi there Ali,
Oh my.. unsportsmanship like conduct/behavior.. I could never do what you do as I'd be calling people f*king idiots Yes, it would be more like unladylike unsportsmanship conduct~ so what ya called someone an idiot. Sounds like some of the dog peeps are thin skinned unless you called a Judge that!

Ok, all kidding aside~ girl get yourself back to your doctor and report the swelling and the I can't get up outta the bed feeling. The latter part might be normal for what you're on tho the degree of swelling doesn't sound right.

Plus just to note I was on MS Contin (morphine sulfate) for 5 months and somewhere in there I started to have terribly achey knees and shoulders. I thought it was just osteoarthritis and I was really feeling it so bad I could hardly squat or bend my knees tho still I didn't think it had anything to do with the MS Contin.

I ended up having to go off the MS Contin because of severe constipation and as soon as I did~ no more knee or shoulder aching!!! I couldn't believe it was the effect of the drug tho it was!

So call up the prescribing doctor and go see him or her.

Hang in there with the emotional thing as most of us know it only too well and certainly can emphathize. I'm glad you decided to let us know how you're doing and please keep us updated. There is such as thing as cyber caring!

[Katie]

Dale, no offense, but trying an anti-depressant for a week or two will do absolutely no good. It takes at least three weeks for them to become effective, so Ali, please, if you are going to try them (and I think it may honestly help you right now with all you are going through), please stay on them for the proper time.

And talk to your doctor about that information as well, of course. They may have come out with some faster acting ones that I don't know about.

If the dog show circuit is anything as bad as the horse shows, then you have my sincere sympathy I stopped entering them decades ago, for just the reason you mentioned. I just work with my animals (four legged children that is) for pleasure only, not ribbons. It has helped maintain my sanity

[Eddie G]

Sorry to hear you feel like me. I see you keep the same hours as me also. At least for me I can watch all the overseas rugby games at that hour. My wife tries to encourage me. She says "You walked alot this week" or "You are moving around good this week" but alot of times I dont want to hear it because I feel like the cats ass. I has hoped my trip to Johns Hopkins in Baltimore would bring better news but I think all they are offering is more injections & surgeries. It turns out that the Johns Hopkins doctor, Dr. Kabiash was trained my my surgeon, the wonderful Dr. Goldstein, so I really had it right the first time. They want an MRI of my SI joint so I am currently jumping thought the fire hoops of approvals for WC. I think they want to rule out arthritis and ankylosing spondylitis because I feel the same as you EVERY morning. I also have Plantar Fasciatis so my feet hurt real bad too. Also Carpal Tunnel. So I know how it is. I really need to use the group more too. It's a great place to bounce things off. Since I have been getting more rounder, I probably bounce higher too. I weighed in at 239 this week. JEEZE!!!
Feel better, thats an order!

[melodyl]

Dear Ali,

I hope today is a better day for you. Everyone here knows how hard it is to get out of bed sometimes. Pain and pain meds can both be depressing. Please talk to your doctor about your symptoms.....both physical and emotional. Going to the dr. might be the last thing you feel like getting out of bed for....but you owe it to yourself! No doubt things seem overwhelming with your husband so far away. Keep posting here....even if we can't be in the same room listening to you....we do care about how you feel and will offer what support we can. Before my surgeries, there were lots of days I didn't get out of bed. During the narcotic taper I am currently trying to finish, there have been more days in bed or on the couch. We have to keep hoping that there are good days in our futures. Those good days will seem even better after going through these tough times. Regarding medical records.....one tip I've learned is that if I request my medical records from the hospital or clinic where I have been treated, I have to pay for them. However....if my primary care physician requests that the records be sent to his office, there is not a charge. Good for you for posting the way you feel! I hope you find comfort and support with the responses you are getting.

Melody

[Jakea222]

I feel the same way brothers and sisters. Unless you have the pain - no one can imagine unless you are a back patient. The docs the insurance the employers and fellow employees - and everthing else that slams your brain and the pain and the pills etc. WE all have been support for one another - you guys have been great for me too - I hope to help someone as my saga continues...g

[steve55]

Gosh, you describe my situation as I began worsening in the months before my ADR surgery. I too started feeling like hell and getting out of bed in the mornings was the hardest thing ive ever had to do. I couldn't imagine NOT having surgery, be it fusion or ADR . I've been there and today, 2 months post 3 level ADR surgery with dr bertagnoli , I feel great! I still have soreness from surgery , and im still recovering, but the pains I have now are nothing like the nerve pain I was having before. I no longer have the life force draining out of me and I can lay in bed and feel relaxed and pain free. I think the worse off you are prior to surgery, the more relief you'll feel after surgery.

Hang in there! Your surgery date is coming! : )

[dridobits]

Ali, I'm new here and everything you said rings a bell. I thought I was the only one where a good day was getting dressed and out of bed.

Since my accident my depression (which I had already) worsened. I can't imagine not having my antidepressants. Also to those out there who may be suffering from depression, don't ever give up. I am lucky to have found a doctor who was willing to try different things with me as I had a depression that was resistant to medication. The medication Lamictal saved my life when I wasn't getting enough response from my antidepressant. Medication resistant depression is now called by many "type two bi-polar" I believe. It has nothing to do with the bipolar condition most of us know. It is a new classification where the medication that works on bi-polar also works on depression. It saved my life.

I'm here for you. Having an invisible disability is difficult. People often have no idea. I'm so glad I'm finally here.

[dshobbies]

Hello dridobits,

Don't know your circumstances but just wanted to welcome you to the forum. Depression is the hidden part of our disease and too many are reluctant to both admit to it or take the necessary medication but it can make all the difference. I'm glad you shared. Please tell us what brought you here.

Dale

[steve55]

Dridobits, wow, I too have the same diagnosis. I have bi polar 2 because I don't really respond to antidepressants and I don't really have noticeable manic episodes. I have severe anxious clinical depressions every 4-6 years. The only medications that work on me and relax me are anti convulsants. So, my doctor says I'm bi polar 2 cause the meds that fix me are the meds that work on bi polar.

[phylly]

Steve,
May I ask you to share which anti convulsants you use for yout depression? Please PM me if this is too personal for you. Thank you so much.
phylly

[Nairek]

Ali,

I was just stopping by to see how you are doing.

Karin