Warning! Question with Too Much Information!

[Kathy]

Ok, there's no 'nice' way or polite way to ask this, so here it is:

How long after ADR did you wait to have sex? Any low-impact way to do it?

I asked the surgeon, before surgery, how long and he said 3 weeks. But, I am at 3 weeks and I just don't see that happening.

I have thought about different positions and maybe I'm just not creative enough; but can't think of anything that doesn't involve bending, twisting or 'boom, boom, boom'

Hubby would greatly appreciate your input

[Katie]

I really am impressed that you want to! But then you are so much younger and more energetic My wants went away with just about every other sensation except pain about a year and a half ago.

Let's just say I have a saint of a husband.................

I wish with all my elderly experience that I'd be able to help you...if I think of anything, I'll PM

[oes ali]

katie, i sent my husband to work oversea's in Iraq for 4 years, and in November to Korea............. answer my results? and i haven't had the surgery done yet.........

best of luck!!!
Let us know..

[Kathy]

Originally Posted by Katie

I really am impressed that you want to! But then you are so much younger and more energetic My wants went away with just about every other sensation except pain about a year and a half ago.

Katie, For awhile I had no hormones, testing revealed less than a menopausal woman, it was like 3 and .06 for estrogen and testosterone. During this time (a couple of years), I would have just assumed roll over and eat an ice cream over having sex. I really just didn't give a crap, didn't think about it. Not to mention I was battling lots of depression and pain. Once I got my hormones fixed, depression and pain under control, I got my drive back. For awhile, I was thinking "if this is my sexual prime, what the heck is my non-prime gonna be like?"

Well, gonna watch tv until I can finally fall asleep.....

[runner]

kathy,

It took a while, more than six weeks?
But when the disc was safely in its place and the bone was grown in and it wasn't going to go anywhere.
My doc suggested a towel roll under the low back.
No wild positions and i took pain meds beforehand.
You should probably check this with your doc.
That's it.
I hope this is helpful.

K

[dshobbies]

Kathy,

Though I think I would wait for that 6 week mark...

Try rear entry (no pun intended) with your top leg scissoring your husband at about a 45* angle behind you. Keep your body straight and let him do the work.

Your legs might be likely to cramp up if you move wrong - and even if you don't!

From the rest of the peanut gallery, no snide remarks. This is a serious medical discussion

Sweet dreams, Dale

[Justin]

Now, this is my kind of thread. I'm sorry I couldn't resist.

Anyway, this is a topic that should not be overlooked post-op. Surgery can add many stresses to your life--and one's sex life isn't immune.

My wife and I waited until I felt comfortable (2nd day post-op...kidding, about 2 weeks post-op). I agree with Dale about letting your husband do most of the "work." This is not meant crude either.

I was initially worried after surgery that my ADRs would "pop out" because I moved the wrong way or someone bumped into me, etc. This is not the case--these ADRs aren't going anywhere (unless you sustain extreme force like a high speed accident right after surgery--thankfully, highly unlikely).

Funny story, I was doing my "log roll" out of bed about 2 weeks after surgery my 2-level ADR. Well, I rolled too well and didn't get my feet under me to stand up. I fell straight to the floor (about 3.5 foot drop). I hit the floor hard. I emailed Dr. F-M at the time and she calmed my nerves.

It's hard not to imagine the worst case scenario of your discs flying out of your spine across the room as a result of something you've done.

Truth be told--the distraction needed to place an ADR varies from case to case, but it's significant. Even if your device doesn't have a keel, basic physics make one realize that we are all worrying for nothing.

OK, sorry about the tangent. As with everything post-op, take things slow and make sure you listen to your body. You'll know what you can and can't do...and you'll make adjustments. It takes some time initially, but things normalize over time.

Good luck!

[Kathy]

Dale & DrJ- You two are hilarious, 2 weeks Justin? Must have been an eternity! I still remember coming home from the notorious 6 week post-partum visit with my OB. My hubby is like an excited little puppy, jumping and licking all over me. "what did the dr say, huh, huh, huh, what did the dr say?" I was like, "I didn't ask." As I watched his heart shatter, I said fine, come on, let's get this party started.

Thanks for all the input, now I've got some ideas. All jokes aside, I really do appreciate all you brave people who responded. This is serious medical stuff. None of us want to mess up our new spines. While we do get lots of rules, restrictions and guidelines from the doctor; sex is mysteriously left out. I'm sure Justin can chime in on this (because he is in the medical field); but sex has been shown to relieve stress, be a good calorie burner, and numerous other health benefits. So, it only makes sense (to me at least), that the less time one is 'restricted', the better the recovery.

Ok, now, let's put the seriousness aside, for a dirty joke (I took out the bad words, so only those of you with filthy dirty minds (like my own), will get it))
As far as oral sex goes, have you ever heard the marriage joke?
Here it goes, A man and woman are about to walk down the aisle to get married. The groom is grinning from ear to ear, which prompts his best man to ask "Man, why are you so happy? You are about to get married!"
The groom answers, "I just got the best bj I have EVER had!"
Meanwhile, the bride, in another room, is smiling really big. The maid of honor asks, "Why are you smiling so big? You are about to get married!"
The bride replies, "I just gave the LAST bj I'm ever gonna have to give!"

My hubby hates it when I tell that joke. He's like "yeah, that's the truth" It's really not the truth, but you men have an amazing ability to forget things. I told my husband I am going to keep a calendar by the damn bed and make him sign in blood when he gets it, so when he goes on his poor me, I haven't got any in months rant, I can remind him that it was last night! What's up with that guys? Has that angle ever worked for you?

Ok, gonna go, hope I gave someone a laugh today. Thank you again for not being too embarassed to post and even injecting some humor!

[Justin]

Hey, Kathy. Funny stuff...well, today is a hellish day of pain so I've been surfing the net all day and checking the forum here and there.

Anyway, this is a great resource (albeit mostly a no-brainer): Sex and the Back: Taking the Pain Out of Sex.

It's not geared toward post-op, but it might help you. I love how this disclaimer is all over the page: "Please do not try this sexual position without consulting your physician."

told my husband I am going to keep a calendar by the damn bed and make him sign in blood when he gets it, so when he goes on his poor me, I haven't got any in months rant, I can remind him that it was last night! What's up with that guys? Has that angle ever worked for you?

Kathy, my explanation is that we are guys. We really are the "idiot" sex, especially when it comes to remembering things such as "getting it." It's in our DNA: men want sex and women want romance. The key is to recognize we both inherently have different needs and then make a point to meet those needs for one another.

By the way, this is a topic that is rarely talked about post-op and I'm glad that you got the discussion going on it. It will benefit many people.

[Eastex]

I was told to wait for 2 weeks. No way. Believe me, I tried because I am a guy. We just watched each other do our own thing. I would think oral sex would be alright. Well again I am guy!

[Kathy]

Eastex- How does that not suprise me?

Justin- I'm glad to have a man finally admit the 'idiot sex'

Well, we had a few minutes of peace and quiet from the kids this afternoon, so we did what all parents do, ran and locked ourselves in the bedroom. Without it sounding like way too much information, for those who are like me and wondering the logistics of it. We did the scissor thing, it worked, improvised a bit. I was able to lay on my back, him on his side, like our body doing an x. Anyway, it didn't put too much pressure on my spine, not uncomfortable or painful for me either.

Thank you again.

[Justin]

Originally Posted by Kathy Earhart

Justin- I'm glad to have a man finally admit the 'idiot sex'

Hey, I gladly admit it all the time. Honesty is the best policy, right?

[treefrog]

Kathy, I think this is a very important subject. I'm glad that you were able to get some good suggestions, and more importantly that you and hubby were able to enjoy each other without risking injury to your back.

Of course anyone should be able to ask their doctor about this subject. But it sounds like it is a self generating answer...when you feel ready, and find a position where you are comfortable, you should be fine. It doesn't sound like there is any real risk of damaging the discs...unless you are doing it wrong .

[ans]

Not to interject politics but Barbara Bush said something like "a man never forgets when he gets oral sex".

Now did that kill your appetite lurking men?

[Maria]

ans,
give Babs a chance.. with the lights out whatta you know

[Nairek]

Wow! Ummm I totally lost it with some of the responses. I laughed until I about cried. I understand that this is a very serious & important question but I couldn't help but laugh at some of them.

I can't answer this for you since I'm 12 weeks since my fusion & although I love my hubby very much, I tell him to stay away! The area around my abdominal incision is still tender & my new pain likes to shoot stabbing pains in the SI Joint area when it feels like it.

Sorry I couldn't be of much help but I wanted to thank everyone for the much needed laughs. I now need to go take some pain meds because I laughed too much

[jessmith07]

I know this is an older thread, but I want to thank everyone for the information. I've really been worried about this, and I haven't even had the surgery yet. My husband and I are very...active......and the thought of going two days, much less two weeks or (OMG) LONGER and I'm thinking, how are we going to survive? After my laminectomy last year, the doctor told us two weeks, but we had to get creative after about four days......and be very slow and gentle. But this ADR is much more major that the lami and I know that I'm going to be in considerably more pain. For those of you that have been following my "stressed out, freaked out, completely losing it in the middle of the night" posts, this has been one of my stressors. Thank you, Kathy, for starting this, and I'd like to know, since you're almost two months post-op, how you and your husband are doing, if you don't mind sharing...

[dridobits]

Thanks for posting this. I haven't had surgery yet but this is a big question for me. I have often had big flare ups after sex and know some things that clearly don't work for me. I love to please my partner but I'm practicing saying to myself, I'll do it when "I" feel comfortible. I can't see that happening for at least six weeks. For the last few tests (discogram and facet block) they really wanted me in a flared state. I told that to my partner and he gave me a big smile. He always asks if I have any more "big" spinal tests coming. I'm hoping pre surgery I can give him some great memories that will last until I feel comfortable. Thanks for the link that showed some creative positions. I will tell you this that when I have surgery I am hiding the viagra!

[Katie]

Well, Dear Heart and I are just about 'screwed' (yes, excuse the pun ), with me being broken at both levels, the neck and the lower lumbar. Let's just say he is a very patient man, especially with us being almost newlyweds.

I truly almost panic when he comes close and puts any pressure on my neck or lower back. All desire is gone on my part, and that is so not me. I was so excited to find someone who enjoyed being 'active' as much as I did, and now between the pain and heavy doses of medication, it is gone, just gone.

I also have this weird pain on my abdomen that feels like electric shocks whenever I am touched, just on the skin, even if I touch it. I guess it is hypersensitivity from nerve damage, and sure hope it goes away after surgery. So even touching is not pleasurable.

While I'm sure the good doctor didn't include sex in the warning when he said to be extremely careful about any sudden motion, as the compression on my spinal cord is so bad that he is classing me as an emergency, it is still in the back of my mind.

I just want to cry for both my husband and myself over this...it is just not fair. It sounds like most of you have not lost your desire, which is a big part of the whole thing. Is there a viagra for women yet? But I understand that the drug doesn't increase desire, just the ability to do the deed?

[Kathy]

Jess, Hubby and I have resumed our normal pre-surgery sex life. No problem with any positions, frequency or legnth of time (although if it is too long, I will get uncomfortable and need to change positions).

Katie- I had this exact same issue last year. I could have cared less if I ever had sex again. It really wasn't on my priority list. Turns out, I had no hormones, less than a menopausal woman. I was put on natural hormones and it made a world of difference. Also know that antidepressants are a huge sex drive killer. One question, do you enjoy it when you do have sex? I did; but just didn't have any drive. I had to start make myself initiate sex and say yes when he asked, sounds un-romantic; but it worked. Once we got into it, I enjoyed it. Almost like I needed reminding of how much I enjoyed it.

Good Luck, don't worry ladies, you will have sex once again!

[Katie]

I've gone past menopause, had an almost complete hysterectomy almost six years ago, and I'm sure there are no hormones left, although when I had some testing done with my GP last year, it fell within 'normal ranges for a menopausal woman'...what the heck is that supposed to mean?

Can I ask what hormones you started taking? My family doctor is less than useless it seems. She has given up on me completely, unless it has to do with something simple like pneumonia. Even then she had the nurse practitioner deal with me. I overwhelmed her with my back problems so much that I feel like she is hiding from me.

Any suggestions would be welcome...wish I could even remember what desire was

[dshobbies]

Katie,

Testosterone fuels your sex drive. Big surprise there, huh? Unfortunately, testosterone creams and topicals have proven ineffective for most women. However, Estratest, both full and half strengths, combine estrogen and testosterone for women, possibly restoring a large percentage of your previous sex drive. Your sexual response remains unaffected by this drug.

There are big side effects, some irreversible, facial and body hair, a deepening of your voice, an enlarged clitoris.

I have heard of a new thought process of restoring all hormone levels individually to those considered 'normal' for women of the same age. This is not a one size fits all and you might have to search for a doctor but the little I've heard about it is positive.

Regardless of the age, womanhood sucks.

[Kathy]

Katie, My hormones were so low, that even if I were menopausal, I was in the less than normal range. I was definitely far from normal for a 29 year old. Normal range, is just that, what is 'normally' found in a woman your age, menopausal, or not, pregnant, or not. I am on a progesterone cream, it is compounded at my local pharmacy. I have no side effects, not bad ones at least. I now have a sex drive, my cycles have normalized, and I have more energy. My dr said that even though my estrogen was low, that she didn't want to put me on that because estrogen is linked to a higher risk of breast cancer. It took me forever to find a dr who actually checked my hormones, it is not my OBGYN or my normal family dr; but a nurse practitioner that is very into natural medicine. I had to go at a certain time of month, by 9am, and fast. She was very specific on the instructions, in order to get an accurate result. I was amazed that I have suffered some of these problems ever since puberty; yet no one ever took the time to check my hormones, just prescribed stuff. So, you may have to look around to find someone willing to take the time to find someone who is willing to look for what is wrong and follow up (I had to be retested several times in order to get the prescription correct for me).