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Actual airline announcements
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| Community Support - NSR Discuss Actual airline announcements in the Main forums forums; On a lengthy evening Air Canada Flight with a somewhat >>"senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot ... |
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02-08-2011, 02:37 AM
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Actual airline announcements
On a lengthy evening Air Canada Flight with a somewhat
>>"senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and >>gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down >>the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the >>appearance of your flight attendants." >> >> ______________________ >> >> >> On landing, a West jet stewardess was heard to say: >>"Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to >>leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have." >> >> ____________________ >> >> >> Also from West jet: "There may be 50 ways to leave >>your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane. So pay >>attention!" >> >> _________________ >> >> >> "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope >>you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you >>for a ride." >> >> ___________________________________ >> >> >> As the Continental plane landed and was coming to a >>stop at La Guardia, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, >>big fella. WHOA!" >> >> _____________________________ >> >> >> After a particularly rough landing during >>thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight >>announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments >>because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has >>shifted." >> >> _____________________________ >> >> >> From a Southwest Airlines flight crew member: "Welcome >>aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, >>insert the metal tab into the buckle and pull tight. It works just >>like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate >>one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised." >> >> _________________________________ >> >> >> In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks >>will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and >>pull it over your >> face. >> >> If you have a small child traveling with you, secure >>your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with >>more than one small child, pick your favourite. >> >> _____________________________ >> >> >> The captain's dulcet tones droned over the plane's >>speakers: "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some >>broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. >>Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you or your money more than >>Southwest Airlines." >> >> _____________________________________ >> >> >> Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; In the >>event of an emergency water landing, please use them to paddle to >>shore and feel free to take them home with our compliments." >> >> ________________________________ >> >> >> "Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks are in >>the overhead >> area. >> >> Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose >>before assisting children or other adults acting like children." >> >> _____________________________ >> >> >> >> "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of >>your belongings. >> >> Anything left behind will be distributed equally >>amongst the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or >>spouses." >> >> ________________________________ >> >> >> And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta >>airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in >>the industry. >> >> Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!" >> >> ________________________________ >> >> >> Heard from a flight attendant on a West jet Airlines >>flight just after a very hard landing in Edmonton, Alberta: "That >>was quite a bump and I know what you're all thinking... I'm here to >>tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's >>fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault...it was the >>asphalt." >> >> ___________________________ >> >> >> Overheard on an American Airlines flight into >>Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the >>final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an >>extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and >>Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with >>your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our >>airplane to the gate!" >> >> ________________________________ >> >> >> Another flight attendant's comment on a less than >>perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain >>Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal." >> >> ____________________________ >> >> >> A Canadian airline pilot wrote in his journal a few >>years ago that on one particular flight due to strong crosswinds, >>he had unfortunately hammered his ship onto the runway with a very >>hard greeting. The airline had a policy, which required the first >>officer on the flight to stand at the exit door while the >>passengers disembarked, to smile and repeat, "Thanks for flying our >>airline." His comments indicated that, in light of the poor >>landing, he avoided eye contact with the passengers in an attempt >>to avoid any smart comments that might result. >> >> >> >> Finally there was only one little old lady left to >>exit the plane. Walking slowly up the aisle with a cane, she >>approached the awaiting first officer and said, "Sir, do you mind >>if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What >>is it?" >> >> "Did we land or were we shot down?" >> >> ____________________________________ >> >> >> After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the >>Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain >>in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the >>aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire >>smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open >>the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the >>terminal." >> >> _________________________________ >> >> >> Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: >>"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the >>next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies >>in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways." >> >> _________________________________ >> >> >> A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After >>reaching a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an >>announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your >>captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New >>York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we >>should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax. >>OH, MY GOD!!!" >> >> >> Silence followed and after a few minutes, the captain >>came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so >>sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the >>flight attendant brought me a cup of very hot coffee, which ended >>up spilling in my lap. You should see the front of my pants! >> >> >> >> A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You >>should see the back of mine! >> 
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