[jessmith07]

Hi All...I hope all you Mom's had a great Mother's Day...I sure did!

Well, I'm feeling much more calm, although still scared. My pain at the moment is being managed by my regular doctor, and when I called and explained that I needed enough pain meds for a month for after surgery, all she gave me was 60 Lortabs, 10mg. I thought, that's 2/day if something happens and I have to stay for a month...or 4/day for the 2 weeks I'm planning on being there. Not good enough. So, I decided to make an appointment with a pain management doctor to get myself established before I left, because I figured that I might need one after I got back, and it'd be easier if I already had one. I have an appointment this Wednesday. I sent the names and numbers of all my doctors and an authorization to contact them and get my records, as well as a description of my surgery and diagnosis from Dr. B. Hopefully, he'll be more helpful and understanding in getting me what I need.

Now, if I could only get back into a decent sleeping pattern...I have definitely seen an improvement with the increased Cymbalta, my daily anti-anxiety med, and I'm able to focus a bit better, and I know that would get even better if I were well rested.

I have my moments when I still want to "chicken-out" of the surgery, but I did that last year with the laminectomy, and cancelled it back in April, because I had found a drug that got my pain under control, just as I have now. So I resumed my active lifestyle, and even kicked it up a notch, and wound up doing even more damage, and the medication wore off, and I was in so much pain, I could barely move. Plus, the medication I'm on now, Arthrotec, has some pretty nasty side-effects for being on it long-term, so even though it took my pain level from an 7/8 down to a 2/3 INSTANTLY, I want off of it ASAP. But, I have to admit, it's still tempting to say, "I'm not so bad, now...I don't really need this surgery, do I?" And then I'll look at my x-rays and MRI images, and say, "Yes, Jess...you have to do this, before you make other areas worse..."

Anyway...I haven't been on in a couple of days, so I just wanted to check in...everyone's been keeping me pretty busy, and I've been forcing myself to stay in bed at night, even though I'm awake...

I'm still hanging in there...and the handle is getting stronger...