[jessmith07]

Hey Everybody...just checking in...it's 10 minutes 'til midnight, and I'm wake, again...even after 2 sleeping pills.

At the moment, not only are the crazies getting me, but me, but I'm feeling that black shadow of depression. During the day, we all fight it. Even though the ones I love have no idea that the monster is there, they fight it on my behalf, unknowingly. I have two of my girls in with a psychologist, and she asked them how they felt about my upcoming surgery...they replied that they were fine...glad I was going to get fixed. Outside of their presence, I told her that my children are my children and not my little therapists, so they know just the facts, and none of my deep, dark fears. I tell them very little; just the bare minimum, and I try not to talk about it in front of them, knowing that kids are smart and that they will pick up a little more on their own when I'm not paying attention anyway. They know I'm stressed and a little scared (even tough I'm terrified, I try to down play it for them), but I look at them and tell them that it's normal and that I have the best doctor in the world, and that everything is going to be fine. They trust me, so they believe me. I hope I'm doing right by them...