[runner]

To all of you who reached out to touch me,

I just wanted to post that I am feeling better today. I was in the deep bowels of despair on Thursday and I am sorry i scared some people. I am truly frustrated, but I know things take time.

Went to church today, and one of the members there told me his wife had something for me after church. I had no idea what it was.
Apparently, he had called my husband on Friday and my husband had told him I had lost my cross. Well, his wife gave me a gold cross of hers. (my husband forgot that I had told him that I had found my necklace).
I am really touched and I realized that, hey when I wasn't happy on Thursday, I could have called someone from church, but I didn't. People do care. Our pastor's sermon was on discouragement, of all things. How appropriate for what I am going through.

The back is feeling a little better today but I don't think i will be doing much on Monday either. My legs are hurting too, despite taking the Gabapentin and the narcotics. I still have back pain on the right and the left but I really didn't expect it to go away, but you can always wish. The discogram spots feel like bruises but occassionally i will get a sharp pain there too.
I have no idea if that is from the discogram, or the accident or the disc.

I thought about the pain I felt in the discogram and my pain doctor saying the pain wasn't all that bad and i realized that even in my first discogram where the disc did look worse and it was extravasated and the pain was different, i didn't sob or cry. It has to be something really painful and I guess my 10/10 is a lot higher.
I was thinking today, that I probably said the pain was moderate, because I just wanted to get the discogram over with. I was also somewhat surprised waking up out of the propofol haze. I don't think I was awake enough when they did the disco. It was like, "We are starting, you feel pain, where is it, how much and we are done." Just like that.

I guess I am dwelling on this too much, but my biggest fear going into the discogram was that they would find nothing or the test would be inconclusive. (Therefore, there would be no solution for my pain) I did feel pain and it was concordant and i know it had to come from something so it does sound like the test was positive. Several people on here have told me if you feel pain when they inject a disc that means the disc is a pain generator.

Maybe the pain doc is used to peeling people off the ceiling. Hey, I guess I don't do ceilings.
I did lift my leg up, however, which if I think i was in my right mind I would not do. I remember in the disco in 2007 that I reminded myself not to move my legs because, jeez, I have needles in my back.

My boys are upstairs making a ruckus. I am too comfortable to check what is going on, laying on my ice pad, and my husband is also upstairs so i think I can relax a little bit because if something crashes down, he will go investigate.

So yesterday, after speaking to someone from this forum, I did clarify with my husband if he knew I am probably facing another spinal surgery. He told me he already knew. I should really give him more credit, but when anything medical comes around, he usually defers to me to explain it or whatever.

When I see the surgeon, I will also explain to him that after the discogram I had a hard time sleeping Thursday and Friday because of the pain. If that makes any difference.

That's all for now,

Runner