I honestly don't know how you have made it this far. It is amazing to me that you have been able to get this far. Don't give up, you can do this. You are obviously a fighter, this will happen.... maybe it will take an extra year; but it will happen.
Unfortunately, our spines are not 'on board' with our time frame and schedules. I really, really, really want another child. I have crazy bad baby fever. I had 'planned' (funny how God laughs at our plans, like we have any control
) to have a 3rd child 2 years after my second child. Which means I would have a 1 year old according to my plan. I am now 3 years out, have agreed to not get pregnant for 2 more years because of the clinical trial; so we will see. It will be at least a 6 year difference in age between the second and hopefully 3rd one. My husband is 37 and will be 40 by the time we could even have a 3rd, not sure he will be on board by then. I just have to trust and have faith in God that His timing is better than mine and His plans for me are way more than I could even begin to dream up. I know it may seem whiny to be complaining, since I already have 2 wonderful children and some people have none. Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to get married and be a stay at home mom. When I was 5, I was having 20 kids. Then, I went down to 10 kids by age 12, by 20 it was 5 or 6. When I got married, at 22, it was 4 or 5 kids. Then, I had 1 and said let's take it 1 kid at a time
I just can't imagine never holding a newborn of my own again (that I get to keep and take home; not that I don't enjoy holding others babies... I just want to keep them). Anyway, I say all that to say that God has a wonderful plan for your life. Even though it may seem like it will never get better, you will. Also, I would get on anti-depressants. I didn't want to at first; but I feel oh so much better with them. Initally, the Cymbalta got rid of almost all my pain. I was in pt at the time and I think that something they had me do made me worse; because after about 4 weeks of no or little pain, the pain was back with avengeace.
Feel free to vent on us, we have ALL been there and will probably all be there again. It is hard living in pain, it's not fair, and it sucks; but this is the hand we were dealt.
Thanks for asking about how I was doing, I am really good. I am still very tense and stiff; but each day is a little better than the last. I look forward to one day looking back on this as a distant memory. I HAVE learned and grown so much by going through this and honestly, if I had the ability to not go through it and erase it all or not, I would go through it again. My charachter and person have been forever changed by dealing with pain. I am a much more empathetic, patient, loving person, and I have become a fighter, my own advocate, more self-esteem in knowing I can do so much, all because of what I have been through. I am sure everyone on here can think of good that has come out of this. I would love to hear ways that this experience has changed you for the better!
Still praying for you, remember it is ok to cry out to God, it's ok to be mad, talk to Him, he listens and remember....
"If you think I have forgotten you, I haven't" Signed, God
"When the whole world walks out on you, Jesus walks in"
Kathy