[dshobbies]

Cindylou,

I lost two good friends last year and each was handled differently. I don't believe an etiquette fits this situation. One friend, I've known since childhood, wanted to say good-bye. The other, my best friend, refused to see anyone for about the last month. I would never force myself on the grieving family who I only called every other day. I let them know I was there for them if they needed or wanted anything. At one point, my best friend got on the phone and told me never to call again. I was crushed but also realized that she was already gone... her disease and mediations had completely taken over.

So perhaps the family is trying to spare you any further heartache. Perhaps your friend has expressed certain desires and the family is trying, as best they can, to adhere to those desires.

I know this hurts but believe me, he knows how you feel. Voice your good-byes, even if privately. If you get the opportunity to do so in person, then of course, you will. If you don't, hold it against no one.

If you get the feeling you're being put off, there is probably a good reason. I feel for you during this very difficult time but also know that Sue will need you more than ever very soon. The grieving process is very individual. Please let her guide you and stay within her comfort level.

Dale