Cindylou,
I know that feeling as it kept me from applying for SSD sooner when my PCP first mentioned it to me and I actually was OFFENDED by this but what would have helped to mention was file when your income is at it's best vs. when I did which was a number of years working very part time in pretty terrific pain with too numerous flare ups to mention.
I had what was considered a decent income at the time even by part time standards. But I too was fighting that loser feeling and fought it for so long that I didn't do myself any favors when I finally filed for SSD.
The good thing was when I filed I was READY! I knew I couldn't have continued to work and was afraid of getting pushed into the 3 level global fusion recommended for me at the time.
Relief from pain came with medications, ESIs, and good PT for a solid year once I had stopped working. It was rather gradual but progressive in terms of relief from the flare ups and really daily grind of chronic pain.
I wrestle with progressing on to more surgery because of the pain relief I have had compared to what I lived with for so long.
I know it's hard to feel good right now tho try to give yourself a break as you are by no means "over and done with" ~ it just feels that way due to living w/pain.
Here's hoping some of the modalities will eventually be helpful and make a turn around in your pain levels.
