Phylly,
I understand the kind of fear you're living with. It multiplies as the days go by and you just don't think you can take anymore. The fear is paralyzing and controls your every waking minute. Phylly, you are not alone. We are all right there with you, holding your hand.
Some mechanisms that might help you get through the next few days are controlled breathing and meditation. Relax in a comfortable spot and just control your breathing, maybe 10 seconds in and 10 seconds out... longer if possible. Then try feeling your body, starting with your feet and relax that body part. Think of a place you find soothing, like the beach or park. Stay there for 10 minutes or so. Taking the tension out of your body will help to destress your mind. You can do this as often as you like, it hurts no one and helps tremendously.
As you head to the hospital and again into surgery, stay in your 'happy' place. No one will know and it just might help you deal with the enormous fear that is beating you down.
My thoughts are with you and I'm sending good wishes your way, Dale
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3 level Prodisc adr S1-L3, Oct 12, 2005
Dr. B in Bogen, Germany
Severe nerve damage in left leg, still working on it
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