[treefrog]

Wow, thank you guys so much for being so understanding. It is about quality of life. I think you expressed it so well Kathy, never being able to commit to activities, because you don't know how you will feel. And being a slave to pills and the clock. Opana-ER is supposed to be taken on an empty stomach, so there is a three hour window, twice a day, in which I cannot eat (for me that is 4-7, as I take my pills at 6, both am and pm), not conducive to spontaneity, or parties.

It has been such a long time since I have been able to go out to a movie, because it is too uncomfortable. My boyfriend took me out to a really nice restaurant for my birthday (in Nov), one that I had wanted to go to for a very long time, and although it was a very nice dinner it was marred by my significant pain level that evening. I was very disappointed that I could not enjoy it more. My job performance is also affected, I cannot do all the things that I should be doing. Maybe that means I should look for a different job, but that seems unreasonable to me. I don't even know what kind of job I could do at this point, and can't imagine interviewing with my brain muddled by drugs.

I feel almost paralyzed in making a decision. Sometimes I am certain that I want to try surgery, then other times I think I should wait until it gets unbearable. My pain level most days now are about a 2-3 out of 10, with medication. It is a real improvement over the 4-5 I had several months ago, before finding a medication that worked. And when I think back to a year ago (without meds) when I might have described my pain as 4 or 5 then, I would now say was about 2 or 3. My perception of pain has changed, that's for sure.

I do think I have a reasonable expectation of surgery. Knowing that I may still have limitations. But if I were able to get back down to a pain level of 2, without drugs, I would call that success. If I were able to stand for half an hour without ending up with increased pain, I would call that success. If I could stretch and bend without increased pain, I would call that success. And so on.

I just got finished reading Diane's surgery blog, which has me leaning toward surgery at the moment. Part of me thinks that I have a better chance at a better outcome if I have surgery sooner rather than later. The longer I am in pain, and limiting movement, the more out of shape I am bound to get.

Thanks again, all of you.