[Kathy]

Originally Posted by dshobbies

Kathy,

Sometimes life just plain sucks! You're caught between a rock and a hard place and there's little you can do about it. I have no words of wisdom and no advise other than calming yourself may not be as possible as everyone else is advising. You're angry, you're frustrated and you're in pain. Until your pain goes away, you can't think clearly but if you get yourself all drugged up, you can't think clearly. )*Q#$$%^*!!!!!

I feel for you and I'm sorry. I hope your solution is just around the corner, Dale

Thanks Dale, I just needed to be mad, sad, angry, pissed, and hating life yesterday. After a good drugged night of sleep, I feel better. It almost makes you feel bi-polar being on this up and down ride. One minute, life is looking good, the next it crashes down. I hate this and it sucks!

I may have found the light at the end of the tunnel, trying not to get my hopes up. I did find an active L trial happening in Florida, which is the original trial I wanted in; but it was closed in Texas. Dr. Garcia in Aventura Florida is doing it and there are 8 spots available. They don't have the litigation exclusion either. I talked to the research leader and it sounds like I will be a canidate, God willing. I am hoping to fly out next week to have a visit to sign up, be screened, see the dr and pre-op. Then, I could go back in mid March and have surgery. I may even be able to follow up with my own dr. Pray that this works out for me, if it is in God's will.

I do believe that God has a plan. I know that everything happens for a reason, who knows the freedom disc could never make it through trials. Maybe it isn't the best for my body. I may or may not ever know why this didn't work out. It still sucks when a door is closed. I pray that the active L is the path that I need to be on. I really don't want a fusion. I have had at least 5 dr's tell me to never have a fusion. From early on in my injury to current surgeons, I have been warned against it. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with my age which increases the likelihood of needing more and ending up with a spine fused from C to L. Anyways, if you pray, pray for me.

Thanks for all the support. (Kinda makes one feel crazy having to go through this; starting to question the little bit of sanity I have left.)