Kathy, I didn't take anything you said as anything other than suggestions to help. No problem.
I just wanted to bring up where I was coming from, and what I was thinking, in relation to your suggestions. Sorry, if I sounded like I was being defensive. I just wanted to clarify my position.
And took the opportunity to list the surgeons that I am interacting with right now.
And I guess I am also trying to figure out what I should be doing. Should I think about going somewhere else for surgery? Out of the state, out of the country. Could I get insurance to pay for surgery out of my area?
And actually I am still trying to decide if it is even time for me to have surgery. I hate that I can't do the things I want to do, or even need to do, at times. For instance, over the weekend, I was standing a lot while cooking. It has been a long time since I have done this, because it is so hard on me. And my back is paying for it. I hate that I can't cook, like I want to be able to do.
But is surgery the right choice, right now? I have had people tell me that they would not consider surgery if they were in my position. Because I don't have nerve impingement or spine instability, that surgery is not "required". My pain levels don't typically exceed a 4 on a scale of 10. Though my pain keeps me from living a full life. The thought of feeling like this for years to come is depressing. I want it to get better.
If I don't have surgery, my life is not likely to get much better, but it may stay the same. That thought makes me want to cry though. It's like I almost wish that my problems were more severe, so that the decision would be more clear cut.
This is major, major surgery, and the outcome is not guaranteed to go in my favor. The odds are not overwhelming, the one surgeon I talked to, said 70%-80% chance that pain that is an 8 starting out which ends up at 2.5-3, would be a success. Well, if my pain is starting out at 2.5-3 (with meds), what can I expect, and why am I even considering such major surgery.
Sorry, my post just deteriorated into whining and navel gazing. I think I am just looking for validation of my feelings. I think I need to read some of the surgery outcomes, and see if there are people who have had surgery, that started out like me (though I expect most were in worse shape).