[dshobbies]

1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one
warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of
us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling
from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back
seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed
his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The
opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those
of his parents.'

3) KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of
the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her
4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come
to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the
bottle.'

4) MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found
himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the
room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and
running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and
then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a
little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report at an
elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6
years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked,
'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the
report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask
the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her.
'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me,
'would you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2 It was the end of the day when I parked my
police van in front of the station. As I gathered my
equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a
little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back
there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied puzzled. The boy
looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally
he said, 'What'd he do?'

7) ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers
lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old
daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly
intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly
the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her
staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I
braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she
merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never
believe this!'

8) DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his
church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that
nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son
and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that
proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small
box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for
the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen
to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity
intoned his version of what he thought his father always
said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and
into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my
funeral!)


9) SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of
school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother.
'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

10) BIBLE A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was
fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly,
something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and
looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been
pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the
boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?' With
astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think
it's Adam's underwear!'