WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST She's
sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover
of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the
back of the milk carton. Keep reading-they get better!!!
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WOMEN'S REVENGE 'Cash, check or charge?'
I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she
fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television
set in her purse. 'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
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UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'SPERSPECTIVE):
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never
understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper
thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
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MARRIAGE SEMINAR: While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with
communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, 'It
is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and
dislikes.' He addressed the man, 'Can you name your wife's favorite
flower?' Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and
whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
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CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS: A man walks
into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The sales girl
notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is
looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the
correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, 'Sir,
I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers,
'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to
get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of
tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much
cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does
she. (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
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WIFE VS. HUSBAND: A couple drove down a country road for several
miles, not saying a word. An earlier
discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to
concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,
and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
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WORDS: A husband read an article to his wife about how many words
women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked,
'What?'
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CREATION: A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can
be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. 'The wife
responded, 'Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would
be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to
you!
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WHO DOES WHAT? A man and his wife were having an argument about
who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, 'You should
do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as
long to get our coffee. The husband said, 'You are in charge of
cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job,
and I can just wait for my coffee.' Wife replies, 'No, you should do
it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the
coffee.' Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.' So she
fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the
top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'
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The Silent Treatment: A man and his wife were having some problems
at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the
man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at
5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the
first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .' He left it where he knew she would
find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was
9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is
5:00 AM. Wake up.' Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
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God may have created man before woman, but there is always a
rough draft before the masterpiece
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