[Ringo]

Sister Warrior,

My pain once got so bad I almost killed myself. I use to fantacies about dying because the idea of it actually gave me peace of mind. The system at the VA is moniacal. You may find yourself going there expecting to get help only to find out you have to fight to get help and at a time when you might not have any fight left in you. That is sort of what happened to me.

They only care about your range of motion and radiculopathy (nerve damage as comfirmed by physical exam). They basicly look at your range of motion and grade your disability on that. Complaining about pain is a joke even if you think your head will fall off. Migrains are something that can be rated service connected.

Remember, any condition that resulted during service or any condition that was exacerbated from service can be service connected but that doen't mean they will give you a rating.

Also, your VSO usually has no medical back ground so they don't always know what to apply for. Some VSO orgainizations are better than others. Talk to local Vets and find out who is good.

What are you service connected for??

It wasn't untill I went to the VA asking for help (looking like death) and a social worker asked me what I had been thinking about. I told him how I was obscessing about dying and my plans to leave my family and kill myself. I was put in the psych unit for a couple weeks and I was started on meds. I hated it there at first and planned my escape but by the end, I didn't want to leave. I go to the VA every week for group and love my fellow Vets.

I just needed help with my back problems and kept getting told I was fine right up untill my 3rd back surgery, 2nd fusion. I couldn't take care of my family and had stopped working. I lost my job because I simply couldn't make my body go any more. I kept trying to get help and my mind started to snap. It is a normal process that your body goes through when under extreme stess (mental stress or physical stress). I now have severe anxiety and depression. And of all things, the VA disabled me for that. But, if it wasn't for a fellow Vet at the VA in Seattle, I wouldn't have known to apply for it. I was in bad shape. I am better but I am not the same person I used to be and I no longer have the same view of life. I felt very vulnerable and it brought out my issues of being abused as a child. I am different and I just can't seem to see life the same way any more. Thankfully, I have other Vets that understand me and don't freak out when I tell them how I feel :0 .

In any case. My heart goes out to you. I don't want you to go through what I went through with the VA. It is a totally different place than anyone could imagine. They have a hard time getting consistant good help there and lots of times the people are burned out or don't know what they are doing. I have helped a few others navigate the waters and they seemed to have benifited from it.

I will try to write more tomorrow.

Peace