[Blairsara]

Dale,
I have definitely thought about this whole situation with my brother since it's happened. The reason why I had to have contact with him is that my dad held a family meeting. It was supposed to be him just talking and us listening but because my brother is incapable of doing that he talked. And for the most part every time he did open his mouth I shut my ears. But he did apologize. And I take that with a grain of salt because he has freaked out like this before. Family is the most important thing to me and I can't cut him out of my life because of my parents. However, I won't have a relationship with him until he gets help. It's not only me who recognizes that he needs help. My parents, my friends, and his friends recognize it as well. So believe me when I say that I have not burried my head in the sand because that is the last thing that I would ever do. With everything in my life I never give up and when it's something so important as this I will never burry my head. Since we had the "family meeting" I havent talked to him. Really don't plan to for a while. I just want to get through this with the least amount of stress as possible. And I have the same thoughts as both you and Maria that if he already did this then it could happen again. Believe me I don't feel safe around him and that's the last feeling that I should have in my own home. And what I do recognize is that this whole thing is going to take a very long time because he is probably the most stubborn person that I know, and probably doesnt even recognize that he has an anger and self-control problem, which in itself is a scary thing.

Maria,
I guess we're going to have the surgery on the same date (although different hospitals). My surgery had to be bumped up from May 24th to the 10th because my dr has to go out of the country. I find out on Monday regarding whether I can take my finals early. If I can't then I have to take incomplete in my classes and take my finals next spring, which would really suck. I'm sorry to hear that you're in so much pain because of your feet. You think that you could get a break! And as Dale said you are a very couragous person, especially after hearing what happened to you (the whole throwing incident). I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I think that I've come to the same decision that you had made - completely remove yourself physically from that environment but still maintain some sort of contact. He's my brother and I can't cut him out. But I won't have a relationshp with him, and things will be very different. It's sad that it had to come to this, but life sucks and we deal with what's thrown at us. We go through it with our heads held high and know that this too shall pass.

No new real update with my back. This weekend for some reason it's been a real pain even with the new meds. I'll keep you guys updated especially during my recovery. I'm starting to get really nervous again but I'm throwing myself at my work to occupy my mind.

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Blair