Judy,
Your feeling ‘stupid’ for having ignored the signs of a cheating husband for so many years is more common than not. Too many of my friends and indeed me too, have been guilty of burying our heads in the sand because it’s easier than facing reality. ‘My husband would never do that to me – my child could never do such a thing – my friend would never betray me like that’ are common phrases followed by ‘how could I have been so blind’. In most cases, the blindness is a subconscious choice. It is easier to live the lie. We hope that whatever the difficulty will disappear in time and life as we knew it will resume with our heads held high.
Judy, you were involved with raising a family and then your health. Dealing with a cheating husband and the consequences were too difficult to even think about let alone deal with. You did what you had to to protect yourself and your family.
Other people can see things so much more clearly because they are outside the forest in which we all live. You were neither stupid nor foolish – just blind. In 1981, we were robbed. I came home just before noon with a sleeping baby having just picked up my 4 year old from preschool. Leaving the kids in the car for the moment, I came in the house to put down some packages, my purse and keys and take my coat off. I had every intention of going right back into the garage to fetch my children. As I walked into the house, my office, a front room, was cluttered with papers on the floor and open drawers. I suspected nothing but the baby and the dog. I continued to put everything down when I noticed the light on in my bedroom. Again, the baby, just under 1 year must have turned the light on (duh!) It was out of my element, my own comfort zone to think we’d been robbed so I didn’t go there. I rationalized what I had to until faced with undeniable proof. I didn’t want to go there because subconsciously I knew my life was about to change and though it did, it did not and does not compare to the end of a life as you knew it.
How often does someone die because they rationalized that a lump or mole is not cancer. How often does someone excuse the warnings of a heart attack as acute indigestion? Judy, it’s human nature to deny that which we cannot face. My own doctor died of brain cancer because he would not acknowledge what he already knew. When I asked his associate why a doctor would do that, he said “We’re human, just like you.”
And just because we would react to something one way does not make it right or the only way. Everyone reacts differently to the trials in our lives which is why judging others is a bad idea. It may come back to bite you in the a-- when you are faced with the same circumstances.
So I’m glad you’re recognizing some depression and like Maria, please call me whenever life becomes too difficult. However, I do recognize a certain ease in anonymity so please pm me if you want my phone number.
Maria – a baby!
Allow me to throw the shower.
I do hope you're feeling better and don't you think you should find out why you're not feeling well????
Dale