[Maria]

Judy,
I have none so I'm not speaking from experience however most of my friends/family do and when they've gone thru a rough stretch w/family issues their kids have gone to counseling. I know it's none of my business but it sounds like the one who has had difficulty in school might well benefit from this.

My brother's 15 y.o. was diagnosed w/anorexia for about a year and she was a super achiever in school but had a lot of difficulty I think w/her issues surrounding my brother and his wife's relationship. When it got very extreme (as in anorexia and severe eating probs) she had to go to therapy and was even hospitalized a very short while.

It's difficult for us as adults to understand what's going on half the time with our grown up relationships (or not so grown up) but with children it's even more difficult so while I do applaud you home schooling her as I understand your background is in education perhaps it would be beneficial is she were in counseling.

I had suggested it if possible for you and the children because it seems the circumstances are difficult to say the least with your husband not divulging where he lives or wanting to talk or at least say something with his departure.

Actions do speak louder than words really so I don't think it matters much what he has said or what he will say but at least if he made the effort to communicate with the children and reassure them he's there for them if not you they'd feel somewhat better.

His actions do make me think that he's feeling badly about leaving you and them and having difficulty seeing any of you as it makes him feel worse as a human being let alone a father and husband but then again who knows he could have a brain tumor or something weird going on that is disrupting his normal way of behaving (something undiagnosed). Or a girlfriend or ???

Whatever, again it comes back to his actions so it seems like you are left to make all the adult decisions here with pulling everybody thru it.

I guess I think he may feel the kids are taking sides too so maybe that's why he avoids confrontation.

But again I'm so not a mental health person just someone that looks at one's behavior and get's all kinds of ideas in my head. I probably should keep my mouth shut at this point or stop writing about it as I'm sure you've got enough going around in your head.

Yes do stay away from manual labor .. I tend to like to throw myself into it as well so I'm a terrible one to give this advice but when I've had a surgery I do force myself to not do anything I'd normally do in terms of cleaning, vacumning, washing cars and the like.

Lie on the bed with a piggy bank full of pennies and roll them for several hours.. find reclining activities that take up your mind and your time as best you're able.