[dshobbies]

Judy,

You have way too much on your mind. You want to control everything but you cannot.

If you don't allow yourself to heal, you won't be any good to your children so while their needs are important, yours must also be met. It's time for a sit down to explain that you have to be good to yourself before you can be good to them or you could be destined to a life of pain.

Your husband sounds like he is trying to avoid life and I agree with Maria, you do need a lawyer. He is setting the tone for what comes next and it looks like anything amiable can be crossed off your list. You need to protect your interests and those of your children. I know you'd rather not go through the expense and would like to handle this without a fight but that is not your call alone. With your rent coming due, this is an immediate problem - and perhaps I watch too much TV, but yes, you should immediately empty any joint accounts you have - before he has a chance to. I fear if he takes these funds, they will not be used for you and the children. Please remember, you are now playing by his rules. You do need legal advice - and quickly. (So much for 'in sickness and in health'.)

I also recommend you start meditating or allowing time for deep relaxation. You can't think clearly when you have so much on your mind. Clearing your mind at least once a day will allow you to put more things into perspective and decide on your priorities. I actually recommend at least twice a day.

Judy, we have a prospective you do not. You're right in the middle, spinning around and around. We're also not lawyers, doctors or psychologists but it's easy to see you're putting your own needs close to last. As difficult as it may be, you must put your health first.

I remember when dealing with my back, my pain and my hopelessness, I felt lost. Mark became my voice of reason at an insane time in my life. You too need some voice of reason when these tough times get even tougher. This is why I suggest a divorce lawyer (who might also offer a bit of legal advise on your lung problem too). This is why you should be listening to your doctors. You said you just want someone to take care of you and that's exactly what you need. Put yourself in the hands of professionals and allow them to guide your actions.

I'm so very sorry for all the pain in your life. You didn't ask for any of this and no one deserves it but the truth is, if you don't take care of it, it will take care of itself which could lead to unfortunate outcomes. We're here for your venting, frustrations and some suggestions but you need more than we can provide. Please get whatever help you need as soon as humanly possible. Take some of that weight off of your shoulders.

My best to you Judy, Dale