OK Judy,
Your mess problem sounds like it's been coming on for years. When healthy, you were able and did not
train your family to pick up after themselves. Now you are not able to maintain the status quo and your family doesn't care. My advise, get a backbone and make them care. Have a sit-down and tell them the way it's going to be, from now on. No screaming, no sobbing, but, and I don't know the ages of your children, it's time for a little tough love.
I'm always amazed when people expect a different behavior then they taught their families. I love all my grandchildren so much, words fail to describe the delight they bring to my life. One of them doesn't get disciplined as much as he should and his parent's, my son and daughter-in-law, don't understand why he doesn't behave better in public. If he doesn't have to sit at the table until everyone finishes their dinner at home, he won't in a restaurant either. They don't get it.
It's often just easier to do it ourselves and my husband is quite guilty of that same philosophy but now you can't. To retrain your children requires consequences worse than 'the deed'. It also takes time but in my opinion, worth it. As for your husband, it might be too late and in that case, tears absolutely do help
.
The future spouses of your children will thank you!
Dale