[dshobbies]

To be honest, it wasn't so much comments that I found thoughtless, it was actions... and I found my friends much more willing to bring their own activity level down to mine than my family. I couldn't believe that I had raised such selfish children... but conversely also understand that they're just living their lives as best they can. Why shouldn't they want to go to a movie, and why shouldn't they include their father even if I couldn't go? This statement can be applied to so many other activities. When the day revolved around me, it did but when it didn't, I was left sitting alone. It hurt no matter how much I tried to understand.

Not so with my friends. They always tried to make sure I was comfortable and their concern was much greater than family's. But then again, when seeing them, movies and shopping, etc. weren't even on the table.

The bottom line is those who can, should - regardless of those who can't. The opposite would only result in martyrs and I don't want my friends or family in that catagory.

As for thoughtless comments, I have a friend who lived an adventurous life until grounded by her back. She complained that when in the company of those friends who shared this passion, they would only talk about their shared interests even though she could no longer participate.

I assume, through personal experience, that they actually thought she wanted to hear about the life she loved, never realizing that all the while, she was crying inside. However, with both friends and family, IF YOU DON'T TELL THEM HOW YOU FEEL, THEY CAN'T KNOW. If it hurt so much, all she had to do was tell them they she preferred not to discuss it. Theit attempts at comforting achieved just the opposite but having never walked in her shoes, of course they didn't understand... but true friends want to so it's up to us to educate them.

Should I asked my children not to include their father if I couldn't do something? Should I have denied my husband an enjoyable activity just because I couldn't join him? Though some with chronic disabilities might say yes and I'm sure there were times I did too, my disability invaded enough of my wonderful husband's life and I should/would be ashamed of myself for holding him back further, regardless of how much it hurt.

We are all so involved in our pain and how our lives were stolen by it that we failed to see how someone else might feel.

Now about my wonderful husband, read my other post!

Dale