See that's the thing, I've already been through a massive ordeal years ago and am already familiar with the self-appraisal and learning it brings. So I hear what you're saying, but thanks, im already quite aware of it.
I was gutted when my old man quite clearly wouldnt support me emotionally, just rejected me when i was in tears, and it was very dissapointing as he hadnt changed. ive got 2 brothers and a mum who have very little to do with him.. i was somehow foolish and i think at some level felt guilty for him.. but there is nothing i can do for him.
But when he crossed to the other side of the fence and was clearly quite derogatory, to a bloke who is barely out of the hospital, he crossed a line and i am quite angry about it and i have every right to be.
The relationship with him is now terminated.
This is the funny thing. If you have a toxic parent, or a toxic brother, or a toxic partner.. they have to go.
Did you have someone tell you to 'have a nice life' and hang up on you a week after surgery Dale? Did you have that person just dissapear for a couple of months then call you up like you were best buddies? Have you had your old man repeatedly yelling for 15 min (not an exagerration) 'you are mentally ill', 'you have no friends', and inform you of his superior intellect (yes, really). Have you had your old man brazenly declare that if he suffered such a condition it wouldn't effect his friendships if he lost his job and became partially disabled and had to cross the country in search of medical help? Have you had that person blatantly deny the extent of your condition and flat out refuse to believe that you are at the point where you have trouble walking any distance, sitting and standing without constant severe pain?
I suspect you may have to tolerate a few of the pissy remarks and uncaring gestures from people who dont understand, but not a sustained assault.
I'm not really having a go at you, but this is the difference between normal people, and people who are toxic and abusive and just generally selfish to the point of delusion.
So that is why my old man is pretty well dead to me now. He lives, but the relationship dies, my care about him just dies.
So I struggle with that, and I will for a while yet, as I love him deeply and rekindled a relationship after years of abuse and dysfunction as I felt he could grow and move on.. but the same things about him that made him abusive and narcissitic in the first place unfortunately haven't changed at all, in some ways i feel they are worse, as I was clearly in such a terrible spot and suffering deeply, yet all that encouraged from him was indifference, disregard, and ultimately insanity.
He is sick, and for some reason he can't tolerate me as proud, independent, self-confident man, as it feeds some sort of bizarro inferiority complex. He needs a passive, submissive, easily manipulated non-person to feed his ego.
End of story.
And I'm gutted about it, but it'll heal eventually.
Anyway, thats me done. I think its just some sort of therapy, writing it down. I don't want or require anyone to 'fix' me, as im not broken. Just been through some terrible crap.
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