[Hooch]

Anyone else had to deal with this?

I am 3 months post op hybrid fusion/adr, and consider myself very very fortunate to be rid of that geuninely disabling pain.

About me: had pain for 5 years, 3 years had severe pain with times of just agony. I worked through it and didn't miss a day. It wasn't a work injury, no access to insurace, didn't want to curl up into a ball and die, never really complained, worked constantly at trying to rehab myself.

Eventually it became over the top, lost a lot of function due to unmanageable pain, was in a failed medical system that part of the country, went down the eastern seaboard to family base so i could access surgeons. With a lot of knockbacks and to and froing I got it done. Of course it sent me broke and terminated a career.


When I arrived down here I couldnt stay with my Mum due to an alcoholic brother, ended up in motels and friends of the family. Had to use my old mans money, which we had a verbal agreement on. He ended up hanging up on me a week post op, telling me to 'have a nice life', then has basically refused my calls. Finally got the bastard on the phone a couple months later after sending him some very bloody nasty emails, and he yelled at me over and over for 20min that I'm mentally ill etc etc. Which is all ok with me, i've been through worse, in that it clears things up for where the miserable selfish prick stands and is quite clear he will only tear me down and wants to look the other way and not be disturbed by any suffering i endure. He's been forgiven a lot over the years and offered new chances, but now there is just no point.. im quite sure he is emotionally damaged by whatever he went through in his time. Doesn't excuse the bahaviour tho, and I will move to protect myself and my future.

I was really bad pre-op. At 28, broke, unemployable, partially disabled, no where to stay and no way out of the hole. Id suffered a long condition in my early 20's which took me a good 4-5 years to beat, and was back in a deeper hole through no fault of my own. If I didn't see improvement from the op, or some other way of basically having some normal function and becoming employable somehow, I was pretty well exhausted and knew a quiet rock where I was going to go and cash my chips and just spare myself all this suffering and stigma.. i cant stand the stigma and people looking down at you or pitying you.


Anyway I'm not really after sympathy, as I'm not a sympathetic person and im no angel. I just wonder has anyone struggled deeply with this sort of thing? I just feel gutted and empty and like I just want to go off somewhere quiet and safe and recover. I've been through this before and it did take me years to come back. I think it will be hopefully quicker this time as Ive trod this path before and am no stranger to building myself back up from broken pieces.. but crikey.. like in a book i read (cry of the damaged man) it can take an eternity for the hollowness to heal.


Does anyone know what im talking about or am I alone on this one?