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Old 09-06-2010, 05:27 PM
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dshobbies dshobbies is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Los Angeles
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Default Holiday Humor

SYNAGOGUE SEATING REQUEST FORM FOR YOM KIPPUR

During the last holiday season, many individuals expressed concern over the seating arrangements
in the synagogue. In order for us to place you in a seat which will best suit you, we ask you to
complete the following questionnaire and return it to the synagogue office as soon as possible.

1. I would prefer to sit in the... (Check one
___ Talking section
___ No talking section

2. If talking, which category do you prefer? (Indicate order of interest
___ Stock market
___ Sports
___ Medicine
___ General gossip
___ Specific gossip (choose
___ The rabbi
___ The cantor
___ The cantor's voice
___ The cantor's significant other
___ The rabbi
___ Fashion news
___ What others are wearing
___ Why they look awful
___ Your neighbors
___ Your relatives
___ Your neighbors' relatives
___ Presidential Election (uh oh)
___ Sex (Preference:__________________ ____
___ Who's cheating on/having an affair with with whom
Other:________________________ _______

3. Which of the following would you like to be near for free professional advice?
___ Doctor
___ Dentist
___ Nutritionist
___ Psychiatrist
___ Child psychiatrist
___ Podiatrist
___ Chiropractor
___ Stockbroker
___ Accountant
___ Lawyer
___ Criminal
___ Civil
___ Real estate agent
___ Architect
___ Plumber
___ Buyer (Specify store:______________________ )
___ Sexologist
___ Golf pro [tentative; we're still trying to find a Jewish One]
___ Other:________________________ ____

4. I want a seat located (Indicate order of priority
___ On the aisle
___ Near the exit
___ Near the window
___ In Aruba
___ Near the bathroom
___ Near my in-laws
___ As far away from my in-laws as possible
___ As far away from my ex-in-laws as possible
___ Near the pulpit
___ Near the Kiddush table
___ Near single men
___ Near available women
___ Where no one on the bimah can see/hear me talking during services
___ Where no one will notice me sleeping during services
___ Where I can sleep during the rabbi's sermon [additional charge]

5. (Orthodox only.) I would like a seat where:
___ I can see my spouse over the mechitza
___ I cannot see my spouse over the mechitza
___ I can see my friend's spouse over the mechitza
___ My spouse cannot see me looking at my friend's spouse over the mechitza

6. Please do not place me anywhere near the following people: (Limit of six; if you require more space, you may

7. Wish to consider joining another congregation.)
__________________________________________________ _________________________
__________________________________________________ _________________________

Your name:_____________________________________________ _____________________
Building fund pledge: $_________________________________________________ ________





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__________________
3 level Prodisc adr S1-L3, Oct 12, 2005
Dr. B in Bogen, Germany
Severe nerve damage in left leg, still working on it
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