[Maria]

I was there too for a long long time because even after 2 spine surgeries my low back just "went out" or crapped out on me big time in a extremely painful and disabling way.

The difference between how I think and feel now with regard this and how I did "then" is probably some time and distance emotionally from that point. Meaning that sort of episode hasn't happened in quite some time for me.

I'm not on any antidepressants. I took them for 6 months after my 2nd surgery in '92 and then only for neuropathies from '93-97 (not a therapeutic dose for depression/anxiety).

Back in 2006 someone helped me to get over feeling so anxious/scared about trying or doing things I had previously thought I couldn't do and wouldn't have attempted again for fear of further injury or worsened pain or episodes recurring.

Since then between feeling pretty secure with how my meds work for me and just doing better it seems (L5S1 has pretty much autofused on it's own after many many years) I am far less anxious/scared because I guess I just have had some decent time with things feeling better than worse. There are episodes here and there tho not nearly as frequently and not nearly to the extreme as in the past.

Oh yes, I too would have jumped off whatever if not for Neurontin, pain meds and ESIs most likely long long ago or at least waited for someone to push me off~

One day the "other shoe" may drop for me tho for now I'm enjoying myself as much as I'm able. I think when you feel comfortable with with progression and feeling better you'll probably stop feeling anxiety or fear. It's time and some stability where our backs are concerned and when we've experienced what we have with our spines that can be kinda scary.

Hang in there~