[Katherine234]

I went to Germany last May with Mark and had 3 level lumbar ADR (S1-L3) in Straubing. I posted a few times before the surgery and have not participated in the forum for awhile. I apologize for being the equivalent of a fair weather friend but I really need some support. I will appreciate any comments.

I went back to work after 4 months and at a company meeting a few weeks later my legs were on fire. It was so scary. Basically, it has continued since then with varying intensities and locations. I've had two caudle epidurals and have gone from 300 a day of gabapentin to 2400 a day. I'm sleepy and trying to do a demanding corportate job at a company where there have been layoffs. Some days I feel relatively OK, other days it doesn't seem to matter what I do. Positions that were once comfortable and good for pain relief now can make things worse (laying on my back).

Right now things have settled in my feet and I have not had to travel for work for 6 weeks. I'm concerned that when I go back to regular travel (30-40% of the time) things will balloon again.

I took my time getting out of the brace - 5 months and I wonder if I'm having trouble because of that. I don't think that's logical but what if the nerves developed adhesions becasue I wasn't moving enough. I'd had problems for so long - since I was a teen - and I'd had to learn to be super careful (right movements, rest, core strength training etc.) that I was afraid to go too fast and my body seemed to need it. What finally got me out of it was when the burning in my legs became worse when I wore it.

I just wonder if my outcome is my fault. I enjoyed my time off, I walked, rested, read, went to the beach. Now I feel awful. Maybe I didn't take it seriously enough.............

I can relate to Jamie's comments. I'm not suicidal but I'm pretty down. If I lose my job I'm in a mess. I'm single with a mortage and all my benefits are through my job. I feel like I don't have a safety net without that job and it's really hard to care much about corportate non-sense right now.

Please help me with some perspective
Katherine