[dshobbies]

Jamie,

What an unfortunate welcome to the forum. I am assuming your surgery was about 9 months ago because Dr. B finally called you after that amount of time? What did he say was the problem? Do your tests show anything out of place, facet problems or anything new?

First, I agree with Maria re a pain managment specialist. Then, I also want to tell you that you can still have a good recovery. My surgery was 4 years ago. I found these forums about 1 year before that. I noticed a pattern develop during all this time. Those who do well initially, are pretty much good to go after 1 year. Those who don't, but who will ultimately have a good outcome, take about 2 years. I know of another woman, a little older, who had a single level and nothing but problems afterwards. She became suicidal and her pain hadn't lessened at all. Her activity level did not improve. Sitting and standing, walking, etc. were impossible for her. She tried doctors and doctors and all thought she was crazy, there was no evidence that anything was causing her pain. Then, about 2 years out, she began to improve. Everything got better. Now she's about 4 years out and she's climbing mountains. She still has moments and as she told me, her back is OKish but she has her life back.

I too didn't do too well in the beginning, mostly due to nerve damage sustained during surgery. I was on heavy meds and crutches for 6 months. Sitting and standing took their sweet time in coming back and even today, I can't do all I could but am so happy I can do those things I love.

Jamie, we all hope for the best, do everything right and sometimes it's beyond our grasp or sometimes, we just have to give it more of a chance than we would have liked. Based on my observations which are completely unscientific, you might have to give it more time. True, you may need something further but then again, you may not. I'm just trying to give you some hope and tell you things might not be as bleek as they appear right now.

Please hang in there and post as often as necessary to keep your spirits up. Let us help you as only those who have walked in those same shoes can.

By the way, I finally convinced my friend to go on anti-depressants. She didn't want to, argued with me until she was blue, but I ultimately won and she reluctantly took them until the pain finally subsided and she was able to deal with life again. I beg you to do the same. That's what help is. Suicide on my watch is simply not an option! No, no, no!!!

I realize this isn't going to be the best holiday season for you but maybe 2010 will be better - and better- and better.

Dale