JKDE,
There is now an elephant sitting in the middle of your living room and, however unpleasant, it needs to be addressed. Death is a permanant solution to a temporary problem. While some diseases worsen over time and are not a temporary problem, your spinal problems are not among them. What you do have is a money problem and though it may seem permanant, no one has a crystal ball as to what might be just around the corner.
Having been there, I understand your anger. I was fortunate to be living in California and tapped into the equity of our home to go to Germany. You might think it's easy for me to sit in judgement of your problems because I already got my 'miracle' but I once sat for five years thinking there was no solution. A four level fusion was and is contra-indicated and I had never even heard of any artificial disc replacement. When I started my journey, they had not yet been FDA approved for a single level let alone a multi-level. I saw no way out of my constant pain or living as an invalid.
BUT, life's difficulties have taught me that down doesn't last forever. As more discs pass FDA trials and longevity factors replace speculation, the insurance companies will have to eventually recognize the value of these motion preserving devices. I believe this is just around the corner. BUT, when broken down, you still only have financial difficulties. The only thing between you and your solution is money. There may be those who feel money is the only thing worth living for but they don't travel in my circles and I suspect not in yours either.
I would also like to point out though not the best solution or the one you want, fusion is also a possibility. I'm not suggesting you give up the fight or your anger but it is another way to go to end your pain and suffering.
One more thing - however difficult, find something to laugh at - a joke, trying to get dressed, someone elses stupidity like the woman who phoned 911 to report herself as a drunk driver
.
Most of life's wonderful moments are ahead of you. Wouldn't you like to be here to enjoy them?
You are in my thoughts, Dale