JC - forgive me but i am not clear which place did your disco - At TBI or out in Calif ? Do you have to wait for the other 1/2 of the disc to be completed at a different place than the 1st ? I feel stupid asking these questions but perhaps my own lack of sleep is making me foggy - if you dont feel up to it I get that too in answering. Just that I care is why i am asking. Some doc's get miffed if you dont do it their standard way - i refused to do a Steroid Injection in my neck as i have osteopenia & if i did get any relief at best it would be temporary he said for diagnostics but I said I would rather wait for that from a discogram than a general steroid that if I got relief maybe not as specific since I have more than one level going on. Point being that doc is now not the same congenial doc I was very nice in my saying why - but he has no longer been interested in helping not that a physical Med doc can do surgery but he could have helped with Referals etc - I can get them on my own but not what i wanted or expected to have happen. But if they honeslty believe in something some of them have a ego - funny as some of the best doc's in the world should & could have a ego but they dont need too as they are confident & know their abilities but are more open to discussion & welcomed patient involvement & input - I never boss a doc around & never would intend too - but I do want to be involved as I have to live with the outcome & so I want that decision to be at least made with full information so I can say i took the risk etc. At any rate, I am sorry things blew up. IT is VERY diffcult to be patient & hang in there when you are in pain & it is hard to be clear in communication at times for me when pain makes it hard.
There has to be another side - I am worried on your saying you will end this - I have given it some thought but I believe we dont have that right & if you have any belief in a higher power cling even harder as for me only Faith & God has gotten me this far & we perserve thru hard times there are other people who suffer with high pain with cancer & other things as well. I have to remind myself I am not the only one & what is suffering to one & another who suffers is still suffering - I dont compare or try too- no one can imagine our own skin and I cant explain the why's but cling to that at some point there will be light at the end of a very dark tunnel - the journey is hard and we do run out of gas and it is natural to be dissapointed but this is not the 1st setback & this is the challenge we face - get some rest if you can & then pick yourself up and shake it off the dust, to fight for a answer another day. Answers dont come as fast as we want them but they do come, just not in a time frame we can set or expect. I dunno if i have helped - Best Jill
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